hating myself

don't mind this emo post. i'm just here to relieve some stress.

as seen ^
yea, i'm hating myself. why? because i'm such a friggin crybaby. i hate it when i can't control my emotions and start crying. i don't cry when i'm sad, but i cry when i'm angry, especially when i'm being accused or blamed for something that i had not commit. maybe it's the shadow from the past?

the other day, when i heard that the i was marked absent for the project, i actually cried in front of the lecturer. no, i wasn't looking for pity from the lecturer. i didn't even want to talk to him at that time. my group mates made me tell the lecturer that i had been late because of electrical lab (which was the truth) before i talked to the lecturer, things that were running through my mind were 'do u actually expect me to trade my marks from electrical for structures?! they are both as important! and it's not like i purposely came late. i even ran up the stairs to come here for the project! how can you mark me absent?!' and after that i started to cry.

i stopped after a while (hiding in a corner), and when i think about talking to the lecturer, the same things ran through my mind again and i started crying again. geez, i hate myself for that. why can't i have a high EQ so that i won't be such a crybaby? i just wish all my tears would dry up so that i won't cry anymore x|